15 – Biscuits

TV biscuits

In the latest episode of my TV series, Christoffel Cooks, the TV company asked me to bake a cake. I almost choked on my suckling pig. Who do they think I am – Delia? We compromised on biscuits and we agreed I would cook 6 variants. But in the Smoked Sausage way.

This is what I cooked:

  • Squashed fly biscuits – not Garibaldi biscuits, real squashed flies. Flavoursome.
  • Butterfly wing biscuits – beautiful chocolate & sugar work that emulates a small brown butterfly landing on them. (Obviously not real butterfly wings… really…)
  • Pigs’ blood ‘jammy dodger’ biscuits – it gives them a wonderful crimson hue and a real kick.
  • Doggy biscuits: same ingredients as other biscuits but shaped as bones. Good one for parties.
  • Plain biscuits. Well why not? Shows the true contrast of the other variants. And proves I can bake a better biscuit than Delia any day.
  • Real Pony-and-trap biscuits not from Bologna.

The ‘Real Pony-and-trap biscuits not from Bologna’ were my final serving of the day (a red and green fusion) and, I would like to say, were not intended to cast any sort of aspersions on any other restaurant near mine. I mean, would I say that biscuits baked in another restaurant were a right pile of pony? Come on…