About 5 miles up the road from The Smoked Sausage is another restaurant: The Bologna Pony. It is owned by Chef Carotene Half and I think he has it in for me.
As you might guess, Carotene sells modern Italian food: think alternative cuts of meat, risottos and pastas with challenging accompaniments. He has Italian art on the walls and Italian Jazz music in his dining room. Disappointingly, I have to admit his food isn’t bad. I visited it once, last year, in disguise. (Red-hair wig, Zapata moustache, thick Irish accent – I don’t think anyone could have known it was me).
Carotene lives with his wife and mother-in-law. And keeps his mistress next door. Very twenty-first century. He is loud, expressive and, I am told, very charming. One of my regular customers told me that he visited The Bologna Pony just at the time Tyger Wood was caught playing away, and Carotene said to him: “Ah, that Tyger Wood, he is mad! Why does he want to cheat on his wife? I mean, look at her – she is beautiful. Now, if she was ugly then I would understand…”
As I said, I don’t think he likes me. I am sure it was him who reported me to the health inspectors at my previous restaurant. However, there are also rumours that Half has a “Family” connection so I need to be careful. I only want to find a dismembered horse’s head on my dinner plate – not in my bed.
However, all that said, I got home tonight to find a message from him on my answer machine; but it’s too late to call now. I wonder what he wants?